Crash Into Me
by ABettis41319
Summary: Set after season 2, right before the beginning of season 3… goes AU from there. Castle and Beckett are reunited after a summer apart because of an accident. What will happen next? This is not Beta'd. All mistakes are mine. Amnesia trope (because I love it) You've been warned!
1. Chapter 1

Kate Beckett was not counting down the days until the first day of Fall.

She wasn't.

She only knew there were four days of summer left because... Okay, she was counting down the days until Fall.

But not because a certain writer said he would be back working with her in the precinct, no, it was because she couldn't wait to start wearing all of her favorite coats.

Right.

But if she kept telling herself that, she would start to believe it. And then she wouldn't care if it was Fall or not.

Unlikely.

She had to think about anything else but the writer, because she refused to think about what it meant if she didn't.

Deep down, she knew what it meant though. And she hated herself for it.

She had opened her heart up to that stupid man and he had taken it from her and crushed it. And here she was three months later, still torn up about her misfortune while he was probably galavanting away in the Hamptons, without a clue that she was pining for him. Pining for a man that she had turned down and rejected countless times. Pining for someone she purposely hid her feelings from and ran as far away as she could, ran from what could have been.

She didn't blame him for the situation anymore. After two weeks of being without her partner, she accepted that it had been mostly her fault.

The mistake that had started this whole mess was Tom Demming. She never should have agreed to see him. Who in their right mind agrees to date one person when they really have feelings for another? It was now painfully clear that she hadn't been in her right mind. And then she had to taunt the poor writer and throw Demming in his face. Nope, she wasn't in her right mind at all.

And boy did the consequences of not being in the right mind suck.

They say hindsight is 20/20. Yeah well, they and hindsight can shove it.

For the whole summer, besides case work, Beckett couldn't think about anything or anyone other than Richard Castle, and how she royally screwed up her chance to be with him. After two years of closely working with him, he was tattooed on her brain. He had bulldozed his way into her life without giving her a choice on the matter, and now her mind wouldn't let him go. Her stupid heart ached for him. And here she was, alone, driving herself mad with scenarios of what could have been, and where they would be right now if she had just given in and... No, dammit. She had to stop this.

Realizing she had been staring at her computer screen for the last fifteen minutes, agonizing over something she couldn't change, Beckett shook herself out of her misery and looked up to find Esposito and Ryan sitting across the bullpen at their desks. Grabbing her coat off the back of her chair she stood up and reached for her keys. "Hey guys. I'm gonna head down to the morgue and give Lanie a visit. I should be back in an hour."

Ryan and Espo both looked up from their mountain of paperwork and just stared, Ryan quickly glancing at Espo silently pleading for him to say something. Kate was already halfway to the elevator when Espo spoke up. "You okay, boss?"

"I'm fine guys." Kate called over her shoulder. "I've just got to have a change of scenery. Be back in a few." With that she stepped into the elevator and let the doors close on the worried expressions of her boys.

One thing she knew, she was tired of having them give her those looks. She couldn't stand the pity that was constantly in their eyes. They knew what had happened to cause her current state and it was obvious they still had concerns. She really needed to get out of this funk. She just wasn't sure how.

* * *

"Hey, girl. Espo text and warned me that you were coming. What's going on?" Lanie had finished her most recent autopsy and just gotten the place cleaned up so that she could have a proper sit down conversation when Beckett arrived.

"I love those boys, but I seriously wish they'd mind their own business sometimes." Kate was already frustrated and she didn't need anyone looking after her. "Anyways, nothing's up, I just thought I'd come see you."

Lanie ushered Kate into her office and closed the door so no one could eavesdrop. "Uh huh, sure. Because Kate Beckett comes to the morgue just to talk. This is about Castle isn't it? Spill."

Growling in frustration, Kate sat in the chair and dropped her elbows to her knees shaking her head no. "This isn't about him, Lanie, it's about me. It's been three months. Why can't I let it go? I just... I wanna move on and be able to think about him without it hurting so much. I don't want to miss him anymore. Is that too much to ask for?" Leaning back in the chair, she let her head fall back to stare at the ceiling tiles so that maybe Lanie wouldn't be able to see the tears in her eyes.

It didn't work. Lanie was already up and handing Kate a Kleenex. "My goodness, girl. You're in love with him."

Jerking her head down to glare at Lanie, Beckett scoffed. "What? No, Lanie that's-" she regretted making eye contact with Lanie. The woman had an impeccable sense of when she was lying. Exhaling long and hard, she looked down at her hands, "Yeah...Yeah, I think I am." Beckett covered her face with both hands to hide the tears and embarrassment she felt. "I'm such and idiot, Lane."

"Oh girl, I knew you had it bad, but I didn't realize you were in this deep. Kate, why didn't you say anything to him?" Lanie's question was soft with no trace of blame or accusation.

"I tried! You all saw me pull him aside at his farewell party."

"I know, but if you had such strong feelings why not say something before?"

Beckett swallowed the tears down before she answered. "Because I didn't know I loved him. I was scared. I was a jerk to him. So many reasons. I mean, I pretended not to like the guy for two years. Hell, I really didn't like him the first few months he was around. I couldn't just come out one day and say "Hey Castle, I really like you, so we should date," could I?"

Laughing a little, Lanie rubbed Kate's shoulder. "Yeah, Kate, that's exactly what you should have done. Then you wouldn't be in this mess. I'm sorry, girl."

"I just need to get over it and move on."

"Well, I know the perfect doctor to help you with that," Lanie said as she pulled a sticky note off her desk to write his name and number down.

"No thanks. I'm not ready to date, at least not yet. Give me a little time and then I might take you up on this guy, okay?"

"No problem, but this guy won't stay single long. He is fine, like Greek god fine."

"Okay, but I should probably go. I just needed to vent a little. Thanks for listening. I owe you a girls night." Beckett stood and and straightened the wrinkles out of her pants.

"Yeah you do. Take care of yourself, okay. It will get better." Lanie gave Kate a quick hug and squeeze of her shoulders.

* * *

Beckett pulled her cruiser out into the busy Manhattan traffic and slowly made her way back to the precinct. As her car inched forward in the concrete jungle, Beckett checked her face in the rearview mirror and made sure there was no trace of her previous tears or the sadness that she felt.

Coming to a stop at a red light, she took some deep breaths and did her best to clear her mind of all thoughts Castle. As the light turned green she eased her foot into the gas pedal and looked both ways. When her car was in the middle of the intersection, Beckett happened to turn her head left to look down the cross street. With no time to react, the last thing she saw was a mack truck barreling towards her driver side door.

She braced herself the best she could.

Then black.

Nothing.

* * *

Esposito had noticed that Beckett had been gone a little over 3 hours now. He wasn't trying to keep tabs on her but ever since the start of summer she had been down in the dumps, so he tried to keep an eye out on her. It was unusual for Beckett to be gone longer than she said she would be, but he tried to chalk it up to some serious girl talk with Lanie. He quickly sent out a text message to check in with Lanie, just in case.

No longer than a minute after he hit send, Captain Montgomery came out of his office straight for Ryan and Esposito. "Boys, grab your stuff." They both froze, turned their heads and frowned at one another. "Beckett's been in an accident and has been rushed to the hospital."

Both the boys jumped up and were on the Captain's heels in an instant. Ryan spoke up as they rode the elevator down to the garage. "Sir, she said she was only going to be gone an hour. When did this happen?"

Montgomery sighed as he stared straight ahead. "I just got the call, but the uni's on scene said it happened about two hours ago."

"Two hours ago?" Espo was livid. "Why are we just finding out about this?"

"I don't know, but trust me, I lit into the guy on the phone. The precinct should have gotten a call as soon as they I.D.'d her as one of our own. They did, however, get a hold of her dad as her next of kin pretty quick after the wreck, so he should already be at the hospital when we arrive. And the officer said she was unconscious when the bus pulled away. That's all I know." The three men rushed to their cruiser's and got inside. Before Montgomery closed his door he yelled over to the detectives, "Light 'em up boys."

* * *

When they all three arrived, they were met with Beckett's father, Jim, and Lanie, whose morgue was closer to the hospital than the precinct. They were still in the waiting room hoping they would hear from a doctor soon.

Lanie walked into Esposito's arms and hid her face in his neck. "Javi, I can't believe this. I just saw her a couple of hours ago. If I had just kept her talking a little longer or-"

"Hey, no chica, this isn't your fault. You can't think like that."

Ryan couldn't help but butt in. "Lanie, was she okay when she left?"

"I mean, she wasn't _okay_ , okay but it's not like her mood caused this either. She was definitely safe to drive if that's what you are asking. She may be going through some things but it wouldn't affect her like that, Kevin."

Ryan nodded in agreement and then took a seat. There was nothing any of them could do until they knew what was going on and if Beckett was okay.

Finally, after a few long minutes, the doctor who was in charge of Beckett's care came into the waiting room.

Jim made himself known as the next of kin but also allowed the other four to stay and hear what the doctor had to say.

"Well, folks, I'm Dr. Mason. It's unfortunate that we have to be meeting this way but I'll go ahead and fill you in. When Miss Beckett was brought in, she was unconscious. There were no head injuries that we could find beyond the obvious scrapes and cuts of glass from her driver's side window. We took her for an immediate CT scan of her brain. The report came back negative for any brain bleed or even a concussion. So as far as we can tell she did not suffer any kind of head injury."

Jim cut in before the doc could say anything else. "So why is she unconscious then?"

"Uh, well, that's a good question. Sometimes in events like this where there is such a traumatic impact, the brain can shut itself down, in a sense, to keep itself safe. We are fully expecting her to wake up soon. When that happens, we will evaluate her further for any unseen trauma to her head. However, our main concern right now is her left wrist. When the impact of the collision occurred, I'm guessing she must have put her left arm up to brace herself. Because of that, both bones in her forearm, the radius and ulna, broke where they meet at the wrist joint. It was a pretty severe break, so as soon as she wakes up, one of our orthopedic surgeons will take her to surgery to set the bones back together with a plate and screws. That's usually an outpatient surgery, meaning she could go home the same day, but since she is unconscious we will just have to wait and see when she will be released. Do you guys have any questions?"

Everyone nodded no and thanked him for his time.

"Well, that's it for now. A nurse should be down shortly to take you to see her." With that, Dr. Mason turned around to head back where he came from, leaving the five people to think about all that was just said.

* * *

After several hours had passed and everyone had been able to check in on Beckett, only Jim and Lanie were left by her bedside.

Beckett didn't look too bad physically. Besides her bandaged arm and a few small cuts on her face, she looked normal. Her color was good and her hair was still pretty much in place. If Lanie didn't know any better, she would think Beckett was only taking a nap.

It was now well into the evening when Lanie saw Jim nodding off. She patted his knee and watched him come out of his dazed state. "Why don't you go home and get some rest. I can watch after our girl here."

"That's okay, Lanie. I'm fine." Jim gave her a small smile that didn't quite make it to his eyes.

"I know you're fine but you need to rest and I have the day off tomorrow. Go home and get some sleep and come back refreshed. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Jim nodded and made his way over to Beckett's side whispering close to her face. "You're going to be okay, sweetheart. Lanie's here with you and I'll be back tomorrow morning. I expect you to be up by then. Don't cause too much trouble." He turned and gave a small wave to Lanie and then left her alone in the hospital room.

Lanie brought her chair closer to the bed. She stared at Beckett for a few minutes until she couldn't keep quiet any longer. "Come on, Kate Beckett. This is not like you. Wake up, girl. You got us all worried. What's going on in that head of yours?" When she received no reply, Lanie leaned back and closed her weary eyes.

Sometime later, after dozing off, Lanie woke to frantic movements from the hospital bed.

She jumped into action. "Beckett! Kate, shhh, hold on. You're okay. Calm down, sweetie." Lanie brushed the hair out of Beckett's face to get her attention.

Beckett took in shallow, short breaths, staring with panic into Lanie's eyes. Gripping the sheets, she came up onto her right elbow, looking around the room. Her gaze once again landed on Lanie. Getting her breath and thoughts under control, she finally uttered the only words she could manage.

"Where's Castle?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** _Thank you so much to all those who followed, favorited and reviewed. It means a lot!_

* * *

Now that she was awake, Dr. Mason made his way into Beckett's room to check her over. Lanie took this time to leave the room to make a quick call.

"Javi, she's awake."

Pulling himself back into reality from his deep sleep, Espo replied, "That's great, Lanie."

"No, Javi." He could hear the panic in her voice. "I mean, yes it's great that she's awake, but we have a problem."

"What's wrong? Do I need to come up there?" He was already dragging himself out of bed and tugging on his jeans.

"I don't think that's necessary, but she's asking for Castle. And I don't know what to do." Lanie sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Castle? Why is she asking for Castle?" After this summer, Espo was okay with never seeing the writer again after what had happened. He was tired of seeing Beckett hurt and wasting her time thinking about him.

"I don't know, Javi, but she doesn't seem like she's going to calm down until she sees him, or at least talks to him. I've got to call him and let him know what's going on."

Espo sat back down on his bed shaking his head. "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"No, I don't, but I don't know what else to do and you didn't see the look of shear terror in her eyes when she realized he wasn't there."

Huffing he answered, "Do what you gotta do, chica. I'll stop by in the morning."

* * *

Richard Castle had spent the last three months, mostly in solitude, in his Hamptons vacation home. He had only planned on staying the week of Memorial Day, but when he saw that he was being replaced as Beckett's go-to guy, he knew it would be best to stay away for as long as he could.

He also knew in his heart that asking Gina to accompany him had been a mistake, but because he was hurt by Beckett's rejection, he told himself that being with Gina was what he needed.

Thankfully she only stayed through the first weekend, then went back to the city. She did, however, call every day and nag him about his writing and try to make small talk once she was convinced that he was indeed making progress on the book.

Gina was now back, though, staying the last week with him in the Hamptons, before he too, made his way back to the city.

He knew she considered him her boyfriend. And that was okay. But he just couldn't bring himself to accept that Gina was his girlfriend again. Yes, it was crappy on his part, but he could only accept that it was more of an exes-with-benefits/work relationship between them. And he didn't like the empty feeling it left him with. Castle had worked hard for two years not to be that guy anymore.

And then Kate Beckett took his heart and stomped all over it.

Over the summer he came to realize that it wasn't fair to put all of the blame on her. By the time Castle had broken down his play boy image and showed Beckett that he could be serious, he never actually pursued her in a serious way. It was always under the guise of innuendo or subtext, when what Kate Beckett needed was clear, no-nonsense words with actions that backed up said words. And he thought he was there. He had actually invited her to the Hamptons for the weekend. He thought she was going to accept but then did a figurative one-eighty and dropped the bomb that she and Demming were _together_. He knew, now, that he had waited too long to show her that he was serious. So even though he was upset with her, he was more upset with himself.

And thus, the summer away to try and get over her, which was dang near impossible when he had to write about their alter egos falling for each other.

Making his way up to bed where Gina was already fast asleep, Castle heard his phone chirp in his pocket. Worrying that something was wrong since it was pretty late at night, he quickly made his way to his office and swiped the phone to accept the call without even looking.

"Hello."

"Hey, Castle, it's Lanie."

He sucked in a breath knowing that this wasn't just a social call from the delightful ME. "Lanie, what's wrong? Is... is she..."

"No. No, Castle, Beckett is fine. She's fine... somewhat."

Letting out his breath he frowned into the phone. "Somewhat? What does that mean?"

He could tell Lanie was nervous about this phone call but he waited for her to speak. "Look, Castle, Beckett was in a wreck today. She hurt her left arm pretty bad and she was unconscious for most of the day, but she's finally awake now."

She took a long pause causing Castle to grow impatient. "And?"

"And... now that she's awake, she's asking for you. She looks pretty freaked out and she's only asking for you. I didn't know what else to do but give you a call."

"Me? Why me? We haven't spoken in three months?"

Lanie could hear the anger building the more Castle spoke. "I know, I know. Listen, I'm sorry. This was probably a bad idea. I should let you go and I'll get back in there with Beckett."

Castle pinched his eyes closed while balling his free hand into a fist. "Hang on, Lanie. Don't go yet. You called me for a reason."

"Yeah, I just think you are the only one that can make her feel better. I know it's asking a lot, but can you come see her?" Lanie held her breath at how difficult that question was to spit out.

"Lanie, you can't be serious right now?"

* * *

Castle's heart was racing and sweat was beginning to bead on his skin. As much as he did not want to go, he knew it would be impossible to stay away from Beckett when she was hurting and injured.

He cursed himself for the hold that she still had on him.

He quietly made his way into the master bedroom to gather his things.

"Richard?"

Of all the times that he could have gotten this phone call over the summer, it had to be when Gina was here. He cursed his misfortune.

"Go back to sleep, Gina." He made his way to the closet throwing his clothes in the bag he already had open.

"Why are you packing? It's..." Gina squinted and leaned towards the clock on the side table. "It's almost midnight. And we aren't leaving for another 2 days. What are you doing?"

Knowing this wasn't going to end well, Castle straightened his back and walked over to the bed so he could have a genuine conversation. "I'm going back to the city tonight. There's been an emergency and I'm needed somewhere."

Sucking in a breath she asked the obvious. "Is it Martha or Alexis? Are they okay? What happened? I'm getting my stuff too, just hold on."

She was surprised when he held her down with his hand. "That's not necessary. It's neither of them. They are fine. LIke I said, go back to sleep and get some rest."

Gina could see that he wasn't meeting her eyes. "Richard, what is going on? Tell me, right now."

Castle finally made eye contact with her. The guilt that she saw in his blue orbs told her all she needed to know. "It's her isn't it? It's your detective. And you're just going to run right to her."

"Yes… n-no! She's not my detective and I'm not just running right to her, but yes, it's Beckett and apparently she needs me, so I need to do what I can to help make the situation better for her."

Gina was fuming now. "And what about me, huh? What about my situation-our situation? I came out here to spend some time with you and you're just going to leave me here?"

"This isn't about you or us, okay." He tried desperately not to raise his voice. "This is something I have to do. Look, stay here tonight, stay the rest of the time. But I have to go. Let me know when you're back in the city and I will make this up to you." He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "I'm not going to argue about this anymore. I'm just wasting time and this is something I have to do. We'll talk when you get back."

With that, Castle finished packing and threw his stuff into the front seat of his car. He was thankful for the long quiet drive ahead, hoping to clear his mind and think about what was about to happen between him and Beckett. Because right now, he honestly had no clue as to why she would be asking for him or what it could mean.

The one thing he did know, he would probably never be able to deny Kate Beckett of anything. And that thought terrified him.

* * *

Beckett had been pulled back into a deep slumber by the painkillers she was given. Lanie was thankful, as she watched her friend sleep.

It was now the middle of the night but after the phone call with Castle, Lanie was too wired to sleep.

Lanie had been shaken at the look on Beckett's face once she finally regained consciousness earlier in the evening. Something didn't sit right with Lanie about the way Beckett was asking for Castle and not being okay without him, but she chalked it up to the trauma of the accident. Morning would come and they would get her prepped for surgery and then hopefully all would get back to normal.

Lanie was pulled from her thoughts when she heard a light knock and then saw the door slowly opening.

Castle popped his head through and immediately laid his eyes on a sleeping Beckett. He was taken aback at how peaceful she looked. He had an image in his head that he would find her with all kinds of bruises and cuts and burns, and that she would be hooked up to several different wires trying to keep her alive. He was pleasantly surprised that what he saw was nowhere near as bad as the images his writer's imagination conjured up.

The tension that had built up during his drive was finally starting to ease some at the sight of her. It was the first time he had been able to really stare at her uninhibited since they had first met. Her hair had grown out even longer and had natural looking highlights instead of the red color she had been dying it. Simply put, he thought she looked gorgeous. Three months of radio silence between the two and she still managed to take his breath away.

Castle startled at the clearing of a throat. He looked to the other side of the room and found Lanie sitting with her arms crossed against her chest with curious smirk on her face. He hadn't noticed her because the light was out and the visitors couch sat back in the shadows of the room.

"Dr. Parrish."

"Castle." Lanie pushed herself off of the couch and made her way next to him. "Thanks for coming. I know the situation isn't the best."

Castle nodded his head and pursed his lips. "I'm not really sure I should have come, but I..." He trailed off and didn't finish his thought.

"I'm not sure I should have called you but Kate Beckett is a hard woman to say no to. I get it, Castle. I really do."

They both stood and stared at the sleeping detective in silence for a few moments until Lanie grabbed Castle by the elbow and gently lead him out into the hallway.

"What's up, Lanie?" Castle could see she was in deep thought about what she was about to say.

Taking a deep breath, Lanie dove in and went for it. "That's my girl in there, Castle. I don't know why she was asking for you and I don't know how she is going to be when she wakes up and realizes you are really here, but you need to know that before the accident she wasn't in a good place. She wasn't her best self."

Confusion on his face, Castle asked, "Okay...What are you talking about? What was going on with her?"

Sighing with exhaustion, Lanie decided it would be best to go with honesty. "You hurt her this summer. She hasn't been the same since you left."

"I hurt _her_?" Castle was furious. "She's the one that turned me down. Are you forgetting Tom Demming? And where is he, by the way? How can you even put that on me?" He was trying to keep his voice down knowing how late it was. "What about me, huh? Did it even occur to you that she hurt me? I'm the one that hasn't been himself this summer, did you know that?"

"Castle, calm down. I'm not the bad guy here. I know she hurt you. You both hurt each other. I'm just trying to give you a heads up of what you could be walking into."

"I can see it in your eyes that you have more to say. What aren't you telling me, Lanie?"

"Look, I know she shoved Tom in your face, but Castle, if we're being honest here, you shoved Gina in her face too."

Castle was stunned. "What?"

Lanie continued, "You invited her to the Hamptons one minute and then the next you already had another woman lined up when she said no. Tell me how that looks?" She wasn't about to tell him that Beckett had actually broken up with Tom the day Castle left. "And you should know, her and Tom are no longer together and haven't been for a while."

Castle looked up at her in shock. He didn't know what he was expecting her to say but it wasn't that. Part of him was glad that Beckett didn't have a good summer but then he felt guilty knowing that she hadn't been herself. If anyone deserved to be happy, it was her. He only hoped to be the one to bring her that happiness.

Castle decided then and there that he would do what ever he could for Beckett even if it wasn't in the capacity that he wished it could be. If she would let him be her friend then he would be the best friend a person could ask for.

Deep in thought, Castle hadn't noticed that Lanie was no longer standing with him in the hallway. He turned towards Beckett's room when he heard Lanie speaking softly to someone.

Stepping into the room, he watched as Lanie patted Beckett's good hand. She then turned her head to him. "I'm just gonna give you two some time." Turning to head out, Lanie made her way to the waiting room.

Castle stepped aside allowing Lanie to leave and then came about a foot away from the hospital bed. With his hands tucked deep into his jean pockets, he finally met Beckett's eyes.

The smile she was giving him made him want to weep. With joy or anger, he wasn't really sure. But either way, it was still the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

Rendering him speechless with her smile Beckett finally spoke up.

"Babe, hey!"


	3. Chapter 3

"Uh, Beckett?" Castle was frozen to his spot. He just thought he was at a loss for words a few seconds ago.

Beckett immediately recognized the furrow of his brow and confusion on his face. "Why are you looking at me like that? What's going on?"

"Um, nothing-nothing is going on Beck," Castle saw the moment her faced changed from questioning to a little hurt the second time he called her Beckett. "Kate, I'm not looking at you in any certain way, it's just really late and you need to be resting." As soon as he called her Kate, he noticed her body release some tension and ease back into the bed while her face softened a little.

"Yeah, ok. I could sleep some more. You'll be here when I wake up again?"

"Of course, Kate. Of course." She reached out to him with her right hand and he took it and squeezed without hesitating.

A few minutes later, Kate was sound asleep still holding his hand.

To say Castle was confused would be an understatement. He slowly pulled his hand away from her and backed into the couch and sat down without taking his eyes off of her.

He replayed the very short conversation over in his head. First, she had called him babe. Never did he think that that word would ever come forth from Kate Beckett's lips. Then, he had seen something in her eyes when he addressed her as Beckett, which was very odd because he never called her anything other than Beckett, give or take one or two exceptions. And lastly, she initiated contact with him. And not just any contact, but handholding, the kind that felt really intimate the moment it happened. Beckett never showed anyone any kind of affection that he knew of, let alone him. What was going on here?

Deep in thought, Castle felt the couch dip next to him all of a sudden.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you."

"It's ok. I didn't realize that I had dozed off." Castle shook the cob webs from his brain.

"I just wanted to check on our girl and see how she was doing." Lanie didn't verbalize that she wanted to make sure nothing crazy was happening since Castle showed up.

"Uh, yeah, she seems to be ok." He opened his mouth to say more, but stopped himself.

"What Castle? You have that look on your face that something isn't right. Was she upset that you're here?"

"No, Lanie, not at all. She seems well other than her arm."

"Ok, but I can see the questions in your eyes, Castle, spit it out." Lanie was getting frustrated.

Castle wasn't going to mention anything that was said earlier but he had to ask something. "Was she acting different to you, Lanie?"

"Different? My girl here has been actin' different since the beginning of the summer. I told you that."

"No, I mean tonight, when she first woke up. Was anything off with her?"

"Besides the fact that the first thing she did when she woke up was ask for you, she seemed normal to me. And I'm guessing if she seemed off to you, it's because she hasn't seen you in three months and it was probably weird for her."

"Yeah, yeah, you're probably right." Castle wasn't about to explain everything that had happened. He would just have to wait until morning when he could speak with Kate some more.

Both Lanie and Castle decided it was time to get some rest until morning when they would be taking Kate to surgery.

* * *

Morning came way to quick, seeing how it was only just a few hours ago that they had gone to sleep. It was barely 6am when a transporter had showed up to wheel Kate away for her surgery.

Castle was relieved that he hadn't been awake long enough for Kate to notice. She was out the door being whisked away before she could speak to him. Not that he didn't want to talk to her, it was just that if she was still being weird he didn't want an audience.

Soon the whole gang made an appearance, including Kate's father. Castle was feeling somewhat out of place since he hadn't been around since last spring, but everyone welcomed him back politely. Although, he could feel some tension when he shook hands with Esposito.

A couple of hours later while they were all waiting in Kate's hospital room, a nurse came in to update them with her progress. They were told that her surgery went well and she would be brought back to the room in about an hour.

Finally, after recovering from her surgery, Kate was brought back into her room where everyone was waiting.

Castle stood back while everyone took their turn to wish Beckett well and to say that they were glad she was okay. Kate, herself, was now fully awake and no longer under the effect of the anesthesia from surgery. Castle watched as she smiled and talked animatedly with the gang. He noticed that every few minutes she would catch his eyes with hers and not look away until she had given him a big smile, all while staying engaged in conversation with whomever she was talking to.

It was unnerving. He now understood why she always said his staring was creepy. It was like she knew something he didn't and she could see through his soul with just one look. She sure didn't seem like the hurt person that Lanie had described to him in the middle of the previous night.

As everyone was still deep in conversation, the hospital room door opened and Dr. Mason, who had been overseeing Kate's care, appeared. He informed them that he just had to do one more routine exam and then Kate would be discharged.

Everyone said their goodbyes and Castle and Jim let her know they would be waiting outside the door while the exam took place. Since Castle hadn't spoken to Kate yet, he decided to wait with her father.

Castle had never met Jim, but he was immediately drawn to him while they made small talk outside the room. Apparently Jim knew all about Castle and the cases he and Kate had worked together. Castle was surprised that Kate had shared so much with her dad.

"I feel like I already know you, Rick." Jim chuckled as he stood and thought of another story Kate had told him.

"Really? She talked that much about me?" Castle was shocked.

Jim's face became serious at Castle's question. "You're all she talks about. You've been really good for her, brought her out of her shell these past two years. And I know it's none of my business, but whatever is going on with you two these last few months has weighed heavy on my Katie. It's like she's reverting back to the days before she met you. I hope you two can figure it out, because it's clear that she cares about you, and I have no doubt that you care about her too, otherwise you wouldn't be here."

Castle was at a loss of what to say, so he just nodded his head. Was it clear that she cared about him? Did everyone see something that he did not?

Jim and Castle's talk had come to a natural lull when the doctor finally made his way out of the room.

"All right, well, Mr. Beckett, Mr. Castle, she seems to be doing great. Since she was unconscious for a time, I just had to do a quick neurocognitive exam to asses Miss Beckett's cognitive function, which is a fancy way a saying I tested her ability to think. She was able to answer all of my questions and followed instruction perfectly. Like before, she is showing no signs of concussion or brain damage."

Both Castle and Jim let out a sigh of relief at the news.

Dr. Mason informed them that he was on his way to sign all appropriate paperwork to get her checked out. Walking away he turned quickly on his heel back to the two men before they could go back into Kate's room. "Oh, and Mr. Castle? I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that Miss Beckett is your wife since none of her paperwork has been updated. I'll make sure the paperwork gets corrected and that you are put on their as her next of kin as well." The doctor then turned and made his way back to the nurses station.

The words finally caught up to Castle's brain. He lunged forward and pulled Dr. Mason around by his shoulder. The doctor caught himself from falling over from the force of being pulled on. "Mr. Castle what is-"

Castle cut him off. "What did you just say?"

"Which part?" The doctor was confused by Castle's abrupt behavior.

"The part where you said Beckett is my wife." If this was some sort of joke between Beckett and the doctor, he was not amused.

Jim finally made his presence known behind Castle looking inquisitively at the doctor.

"I'm sorry, gentlemen, I still don't understand the confusion?" Dr. Mason was looking back and forth between the two men.

"Beckett and I are not married. You must have misunderstood her."

"No sir, there was no misunderstanding. She was quite clear in her answers. She remembered all the important dates, like anniversaries, birthdays, first dates, first kisses. She is aware of todays date and who the president is. She even knows the current cases she is working on. She gave me a clear history of your relationship with her, Mr. Castle. You're really telling me that you aren't married?"

"Not only that but we have never even dated, never kissed in fact."

The look on Dr. Mason's face was clear. Something was wrong.

"Okay, well it's evident to me now that I can not release Miss Beckett. I've got to order more testing to find out what's going on. I do apologize Mr. Castle. She was just so certain that you two were married. She truly believes she loves you."

Castle was left standing dumbfounded. He finally understood all of Kate's interaction towards him. But he still had a hard time accepting that she really believed they were married.

Jim finally spoke up, coming out of his quiet stupor. "Well, that was unexpected."

Huffing and running a hand through his hair, Castle answered, "Yeah, you're telling me, Jim."

"Well, I better get back in there with Katie. I won't say anything, Rick, but I'm guessing she is going to want to see you soon, so come in when you're ready."

Right, she thought he was her husband. What was he supposed to do? He decided it was the doctor's job to inform Kate of what was going on, so he was just going to try to keep quiet until they took her back for more testing. Castle reluctantly made his way back to Beckett's bedside.

"Hey, there you are. I was beginning to think you were avoiding me." Kate smiled as Castle came closer.

He tried to smile back. "Not avoiding you. Just giving everyone a chance to see you." Castle hoped his explanation worked.

"Well, come here. I've missed you." She beckoned him over with her right hand.

Glancing quickly over to Jim, then back to Kate, he closed the distance and grabbed her outstretched hand again. He felt so guilty that he was leading her on and pretending that he was indeed her husband, but he didn't know what else to do at the moment. "I've been here the whole time. Not going anywhere."

"I know." She gave him that gorgeous smile again, but soon she was frowning. "Dad says they have more tests to run. Did the doctor say why?"

"Uh, I think they just want to be sure there is no brain damage since you were unconscious."

Kate accepted his answer but didn't let go of his hand. She rubbed her thumb back and forth over his knuckles like it was something she did all the time. Castle realized that in her mind it probably was something she did often since they were "married".

Married. She thought they were married.

This was such a mess.

* * *

After another round of CT scans and an MRI, Kate was once again brought back to her room.

While she was gone, Jim and Castle talked about what this would mean for the foreseeable future. Kate needed someone to take care of her, since she just had surgery on her arm. And since she thought she was married to Castle, it would be weird for her to be going home with her dad. Castle hadn't even thought about all that. He was getting overwhelmed the more they talked. They needed to hear from the doctor on what to do.

As they wheeled her back in the room, Dr. Mason was right behind her. He asked if he could speak privately to Jim and Castle outside the room.

Kate frowned and was about to say something, but Jim assured her that they would be right back in with her. She looked to Castle for reassurances.

Castle couldn't help but walk over to her and lean down to place a kiss on her forehead. "It's gonna be okay, Kate."

That seemed to put her at ease a little.

Outside the room, Dr. Mason explained the results of the diagnostic exams. "Mr. Beckett, is it okay to talk in front of Mr. Castle here?"

Jim gave a nod. "Of course."

"Okay, well, like last time the CT scan came back negative for any signs of a brain bleed or concussion and the MRI was clear. Miss Beckett does not have any trauma to her brain. I have consulted with a neurosurgeon about these findings along with explaining to him Miss Beckett's state of thinking that she is married and has memories of being in a relationship with Mr. Castle, when those things never actually happened. He and I both came to the same conclusion that Miss Beckett is suffering from what is known as dissociative amnesia." The two men looked at each other and back to the doctor. "Dissociative amnesia occurs when a person blocks out certain information, usually associated with a stressful or traumatic event without actually having any trauma to the head. However, Miss Beckett's situation seems a little different in that her brain then replaced the missing information with new, made up information. Thus, the reason why she thinks she is married to you, Mr. Castle. The bright side of this type of amnesia is that her actual memories are still intact, she just can't recall them at the moment."

Both men were overwhelmed with the new information.

Jim spoke up. "So, will she ever be able to recall her real memories?"

"It's hard to say. Most people do retain their memories, but the time frame can range from minutes to years on when they could come back."

"Years? You're telling me she could think we are married for years to come?" Castle was now in panic mode. He couldn't keep up this charade much longer, let alone for years.

"I wish I had better answers for you both. But for now, Miss Beckett needs to be in an environment that she is used to. Taking her somewhere she is not familiar with could only hinder her progress in getting her memories back. I've set her up with an appointment to see Dr. Wilson, who is world renowned in his research on this type of amnesia. He just happens to practice here in Manhattan. There is just one problem."

"What?" Both Castle and Jim asked at the same time not being able to handle anymore bad news.

"Dr. Wilson informed me not to tell Miss Beckett that her memories aren't real, at least not until he can see her in his office. And he can't fit her in for three more days."

Both men were speechless and stared at the doctor like he was crazy. As far as Castle was concerned, he was crazy. There was no way they were going to pull off three days of not telling Beckett what was going on.

"I just need to inform Miss Beckett of the diagnosis without really revealing much else since I am not qualified to treat this disorder. After that, she is free to go as long as she has someone to take care of her, as I've had the nurses work on getting her discharged.

Castle considered himself a calm, easy going, go-with-the-flow kind of guy, but right now... Right now all he wanted to do was freak out. Right now he just wanted to drive back to the Hamptons and pretend that none of this was happening. It was his best dream wrapped up in his worst nightmare. He honestly didn't know how to handle it.

His feet brought him back into Kate's room on autopilot. He heard the tail end of the doctor's speech about her diagnosis and then watched as he exited the room.

The look on Kate's face was heartbreaking as she looked back and forth from her dad to Castle waiting for answers that they could not give.

She sat up straight and pulled her injured arm closer to her body, cradling it there, as if it would bring her some kind of comfort.

"Amnesia?" She said in breathy whisper. She was looking at no particular spot on the bed in front of her. A thought hit her like a ton of bricks. She furrowed her brow even deeper and quickly looked to Castle. "Rick, what am I forgetting?"


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN:**_ _Thanks again to all those that have followed, favorited, and reviewed. I hope you continue to enjoy this little journey. Again, all mistakes are mine._

* * *

" _Nothing_."

The first answer that came to Castle's mind was " _nothing_."

How long, now, had it been since his fantasies turned from a romp in the sack with the detective to being the man in her life, her boyfriend, her husband even? Aside from the first case they worked together, he couldn't remember when he didn't want those things. The moment she whispered in his ear, " _you have no idea_ ," he was in it for the long hall.

Now, here he stood, facing the woman of his dreams, the woman he wanted to spend his life with, and she was all of a sudden handing him the opportunity to live out his long awaited fantasies.

So when Kate asked what she was forgetting, he wanted to walk over and grab her and hold her until she melted into his arms, whisper his answer into the shell of her ear, " _Nothing, Kate. aren't forgetting anything."_

Seeing castle frozen to his spot, Jim walked over and put a hand on Kate's shoulder. "Everything is going to be fine, sweetheart. Some things may be real confusing at first but you're just going to have to trust that everything is okay. We're not really supposed to tell you much until you see a specialist about this type of amnesia, but we're going to try and make this as easy as possible for you."

Kate gave her dad a nod of understanding, but Jim could tell she wasn't pleased with his answer. Sighing, she leaned back into the bed and looked back to Castle, who had finally pulled himself out of his own mind. "Castle, would you get over here? It doesn't seem right that you haven't been hovering in my personal space this whole time." She was going for a laugh, but the comment fell short when all she could see was pain in Castle's eyes.

He made his way over to her and sat down on the bed next to her hip. "I'm, sorry Kate. It's just-" he was having trouble meeting her eyes. Never had she be so open to him. It was almost too much. "This whole situation has just been a lot to handle. I guess I don't know how to deal with it." He was being honest. He had no clue how to handle this mess, but he figured if they were married in her mind, they must be honest with each other. "Seeing you here in the hospital, injured and now with amnesia, it's just a lot to take in. But I'm here. Always."

That seemed to be the right thing to say, because she had the biggest grin on her face despite everything that had happened. "Dad, can you give us a minute?"

Jim stepped out of the room giving his daughter some privacy with Rick.

As soon as her dad was gone, Kate was pulling on Castle to get even closer.

Gentle, as not to rattle her casted left arm, he wrapped her up with both arms and held her tight. "I'm so sorry this happened to you."

Kate buried her face into his neck. "Mmm, not your fault, babe." She placed an open mouth kiss to his thundering pulse.

He shivered and squeezed his arms tighter around her. "I've missed you so much." Despite his reasons for leaving her in the first place, Castle knew he would never be able to leave her again, even if it was just to follow her around for 'research'.

Kate let out a small chuckle. "Can't handle being away from me for just a few hours, huh?"

Right. She had forgotten their summer apart.

And he was easily forgetting that they weren't actually together and that they don't actually hold each other like this.

Castle pulled back from her embrace and dropped his arms from around her. "I, uh, I need to go make a phone call. I'll tell your dad to come back in while I'm out there."

Pulling him back into her, Kate rested her forehead against his and whispered, "I love you."

Rick slammed his eyes closed. It was all he could do to refrain himself from kissing her. "Kate."

"Go, Castle." She shoved on him a little. "Go make your phone call and then come back to me."

* * *

Staying close, Jim leaned up against the wall right outside of Kate's room. He watched Castle walk out looking a little dazed. "You okay?"

"I don't know if I can do this, Jim."

"No one's forcing you to, son. I'll be happy to take her home with me. Please don't feel obligated. She's not your responsibility, Rick, even if she does think you're her husband, it's not reality."

"I know, but I want to help. She means a lot to me. I just don't like keeping the truth from her. So, I'm going to do all I can for her. Which means I need to somehow get her stuff over to my loft. Do you have a key to her apartment?"

Jim pulled his keys from his pocket and then held a key between his thumb and forefinger.

"Okay, do you mind meeting my mother at Kate's apartment to grab some of her stuff to take to my loft?"

Jim agreed and Castle pulled out his phone to call Martha. He knew this was going to be an interesting conversation, but he needed to get all parties prepared for what was about to take place. He wasn't entirely sure that it was fair to ask his family to take part in this ruse, but he couldn't think of a better solution.

"Richard, darling, are you enjoying your last few days in the Hamptons?"

Castle rubbed the creases on his forehead. "Actually, Mother, I'm back in the city. I'm here at the hospital visiting Detective Beckett."

"Oh, is everything okay?" Martha's concern for the detective was genuine, as she took a special liking to the woman her son followed around with abandon.

"Mother, I'm about to throw a lot of information out at you, so I need you to listen carefully."

Castle told his mother about the accident and injuries that Kate had suffered. After explaining the amnesia diagnosis and that he planned on bringing her home with him for at least the next three days, Martha was left speechless.

Finally, after several seconds of silence Martha spoke up. "Richard, I'll certainly do whatever I need to and I'll meet Jim at her apartment within the hour, but do you really think this is a good idea? What has Gina said about this plan of yours?"

Gina.

Crap.

The past 12 hours had been a whirlwind of emotion, so Gina had been the last thing on his mind.

"Gina doesn't know, does she?" It was asked as more of a rhetorical question, because Martha already knew the answer.

"I'll take care of Gina later, when she calls me. She's still in the Hamptons."

Exhaling, Martha replied, "Oh, Richard, you've stepped in it now."

Not wanting to think about the consequences of his actions, Castle finished the phone call and let Jim know that Martha would meet him at Kate's in the next twenty minutes.

* * *

After an hour and a half of just waiting, a nurse finally came in to get Kate discharged from the hospital.

She had been sleeping due to exhaustion from everything she had experienced the last day, so Castle gently shook her awake. "Kate, Kate. Hey, it's time to get out of here."

Slowly opening her eyes, she found Castle close at her side. "Hey, babe. We can leave now?"

"Of course. Let's get you dressed and then we'll go."

Knowing he had to help her dress, he sucked in a deep breath and kept his eyes at an appropriate level as much as he could.

Kate didn't seem to notice his struggle while she held on to his shoulder as her helped her into her pants.

Looking down to watch him button and zip her pants, a frown formed on her face. "Kate, you feel okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just, you're not wearing your wedding band."

Castle's fingers jerked and fumbled into her hips. "Uh, I uh..." He had to come up with something quick. "I must have had it off when I got the call that you were in a wreck. I didn't even think about it. I'm sorry, Kate."

"It's fine, Castle. As long as it's safe. Besides, I can't wear mine, since my fingers are swollen. You do have mine in your pocket, right?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah, our rings are safe. I promise."

Good grief. Castle knew he had to get it together and quit fumbling with his words when she asked questions. And he had to quit promising things that he could not back up.

He silently sent up a prayer that her memories would come back soon, so he wouldn't have to keep up this act. As much as he liked lovey, touchy-feely Kate, he wanted tough, no-nonsense, don't touch me, Detective Beckett back.

"Hey, Kate. Uh, I know the doctor explained your diagnosis and then couldn't say much more and I know you're wondering whats going on with your memory loss-" Castle was nervous about this conversation because he didn't want to send Kate into a tail spin of worry, but he had to try and set some ground rules for the next three days, to not only help her out, but hopefully make it easier on him and his family.

"Spit it out, Castle," Kate said as her annoyance started to spike.

For a split second, he saw the old Beckett and his heart leaped, but he tamped down his excitement so he could finish his thought out loud.

"Right, so when we get back to the loft, some things may seem very different. And you are definitely going to want some answers, I'm sure. Just please try to remember that we've been instructed not to give you any answers when it comes to your memory loss until you see the specialist, okay? Things are going to come up in the next few days that probably won't make sense to you because of the amnesia. I guess I'm asking you to trust me and know that everything will be alright. Okay?"

Kate acquiesced and let him know that she understood, but he could tell that she didn't like it. She was a person who needed answers and going into something blind, so to speak, was something she was not accustomed to.

He was honestly scared for her. She had no idea of what she was really about to walk into. He tried to imagine all of the changes she would notice in the loft, if she thought that she had lived there. Walking into the place she thought she lived and seeing absolutely no evidence that it had ever been her home was going to take a toll on her.

Castle tried to imagine the scene if it were him. He thought about walking into his home thinking he had a daughter and then finding she wasn't there with no evidence of her existence. Shivering at the thought, he internally groaned. He was not looking forward to these next three days. If she did not regain any of her actual memories back, life was going to be hell.

* * *

Finally, in the car and headed to the loft, Kate sat in the passengers seat and sank back. "Less than 24 hours in that hospital bed and I already can't wait crawl into our own bed and sprawl out. I'm so glad we splurged on a new mattress."

Castle chuckled. He splurged on everything and bought the best of the best because he could. Of course Kate would be the one to be a stickler about money, even if they were well off. At least the mattress would feel the same as what she was imagining. Maybe this wouldn't be such a bad deal after all.

"What the hell, Castle! Did you redecorate in the hours that I was in the hospital?"

And he was wrong.

Still a nightmare.

Gently circling his fingers around her good elbow, he pulled on her so that she would turn and face him. His eyes pleaded with her. "Kate, that's a question. No questions, remember."

Kate sputtered as she tried to find words. "What... This... I can't..." she growled and shook her head as if to clear her head. "I can't ask about my own home? Our home looking different has to do with my amnesia?" She knew he wasn't going to answer her but the questions came anyway.

"Let's get you to bed. You'll be happy to know that it is as comfortable as you remember. Maybe even more so." He rubbed up and down on each of her upper arms trying to sooth her discomfort at the sight of the loft.

She silently made her way to his bedroom.

Their bedroom.

Once she settled into a comfortable position with her arm propped up, she asked if Castle could retrieve her pain pills and a water.

While he was getting her things, she turned her head into the pillow and breathed in his scent. It never failed to comfort her and make her feel at home. She smiled and closed her eyes as she thought about how Castle had always been her home, no matter where they were.

She had found her 'one and done' in him and whatever the circumstances she found herself in, she knew that she would be okay with him by her side.

The nagging questions were at the forefront of her mind about what she was forgetting, but she did trust him. She knew that they would get through this just as they had gotten through everything else they had ever faced.

Castle came back with her water and pills and found that Kate had already fallen asleep. He set them down on the night stand and sat down next to her. Pushing aside the hairs that had fallen in her face, he caressed the paper thin skin under her eyes with his thumb.

He had faith that her memories would eventually make their way back into her consciousness. He just hoped they would both survive the fallout afterwords.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: You guys, I am so sorry it has taken me over two months to update this story. I lost my words for a while. But thanks to bunysliper aka Trinity Everett for giving my story a shout out on Tumblr, it gave me that boost I needed to start writing again. Hopefully the words will stick with me so I can get this story out to you guys. I_ _recommend that you reread the last chapter, as I am sure you have forgotten what is happening with this story. I sure did! If you are still with me after this... THANK YOU! Again, all mistakes are mine and this is not beta'd._

After watching Kate sleep for some time, Castle finally made his way back into the kitchen where he noticed that Alexis was home and making herself a snack.

"Hey pumpkin. You're home early."

Alexis stopped what she was doing and frowned up at her father. "Not really, dad. This is when I usually get home. What have you been up to today? And why are you back from the Hamptons? I thought you still had a couple of days?"

Castle's hand came up to the back of his neck to scratch a nonexistent itch. "Um yeah, about that Alexis, there's something you need to know." He didn't know how his daughter would take the news of all that had happened in the last twenty four hours, but he was grateful that Alexis was mature for her age, because he needed her to be fully cooperative and supportive. Sighing he finally met his daughters eyes. "I'm back because Detective Beckett was in an accident yesterday and will be staying with us until everything is sorted out."

His adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed, waiting for her reaction. "Okay, dad, why do I get the feeling that you aren't telling me everything?"

Alexis had always been so smart and perceptive. He'd never been able to hide anything from her. And yet he was trying to keep the most important details of the situation from her because he didn't want her to see what a fool he was. He wouldn't be able to bear disappointing her. Nevertheless, she always figured him out and loved him anyway, so he had to trust that this time would be no different.

"You're right, Alexis. There is more to it than just her recuperating here. The reason Detective Beckett has to stay with us is because she has some sort of amnesia that is causing her brain to think that her and I have been married and are still married at this moment. She thinks she lives here with us. And we can't let her think otherwise until she sees her specialist in a few days. So we have to play along."

To say her reaction was unexpected would be an understatement.

Laughter came bursting out of Alexis' mouth. She immediately cupped her hand to cover her outburst while doubling over with amusement.

"Alexis!"

"I'm sorry, dad, I'm so sorry." She was still laughing but trying to contain herself. "It's not funny, it's really not. And poor Detective Beckett, but dad, how in the world do you get yourself in these kind of situations?"

"Yeah, I do, don't I." Castle chuckled along with his daughter thinking of all of the weird and stupid things he'd done in his life.

After a little more teasing and giggling from Alexis, Castle finally sobered a little and spoke up. "Listen Alexis, as stupid as this all sounds, it's really important that Beckett doesn't suspect anything other than what she thinks. It could really mess her recovery up if we tell her the truth right now. So just try to go along with it the best you can, okay?"

"Sure dad. I know she's important to you so I'll do my best. Besides, I'm sure this is actually a dream come true for you." Alexis gave him a knowing look and then made her way up to her bedroom.

Once again he was stunned by his daughters perceptiveness. Too stunned, in fact, to deny her claim.

He was at least glad that his family was now on board with the charade they had to put on for Beckett's benefit.

* * *

After several hours of her napping, Castle made his way into the bedroom to check on Beckett who was still asleep.

In that time, Martha had made it back from Beckett's apartment with most of the essentials that she would need to feel like she actually lived in the loft. Castle had just finished hanging her clothes in the closet when he heard Beckett coming into awareness.

"You okay," Castle asked as he sat beside her hip. He noticed that she was breathing heavy and had a sweaty sheen on her forehead.

A little disoriented she found Castle's gaze and held it until the fog cleared. "Uh, yeah, I think I just had a bad dream. It felt really real though. One of those dreams that stay with you even after you're awake."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"There's really nothing to talk about. It's stupid really." She was going to let it go, but she could see that Castle was waiting for her to explain. She couldn't deny his curiosity. "It was just you and me, except we weren't married and we kind of hated each other even though we loved each other, if that even makes sense, but we weren't together. See, it's nothing. Silly even." Beckett shook her head a little as if that would help make the images go away.

Castle wanted to ask for more details about the dream but knew that it was probably a bad idea. Pushing her in this instance would be counterproductive in the recovery process. He tucked the information he did have from the dream into his brain for later. Now, his attention was needed elsewhere.

"Help me sit up?" She grimaced as he put both hands under her armpits and pulled her in an upright position. "I didn't think my whole body would hurt. I feel awful."

"That's to be expected, Kate. You were T-boned. It's a wonder that only your wrist was broken." He sighed and looked away from her. Worse thoughts than just a broken wrist were entering his mind and he couldn't help but think that he almost lost the chance to ever see her again. He'd never forgive himself for walking away from her at the beginning of the summer if she hadn't survived the wreck yesterday.

Tugging gently on his ear and then caressing it, she got him to turn back to her. "I know what you're thinking. Don't go there, Rick. I'm still here." Even though her smile was weak it infused him with the energy that had been fading, and made his sorrow disappear.

"Do you need anything?"

"Actually yeah, I could use a bath. I feel so gross and I'm sure my hair is a greasy mess. Do we have the stuff to wrap my cast to keep it out of the water?"

Castle tried to keep the deer-in-headlights look off of his face and schooled his features the best he could. He nodded and quickly rose from the bed to retrieve the items needed. As he left the room he quietly murmured something about fantasies and nightmares colliding.

Once the cast was wrapped and sealed, Castle went into the bathroom and found that the hot bubble bath he'd prepared was ready. He could only hope that she was okay with the bubbles. He was aware that he would be helping Beckett into the tub, so the bubbles would at least conceal her naked body once she was under water. He just hoped his treacherous eyes would not betray him and find their way lower than her face as he helped her out of her clothes.

Once she was finally settled into the tub, Castle began making his way out to his study.

"And just where do you think you're going?"

Stopping abruptly, he slowly turned with a look of surprise on his face. "I… uh… I was just going to write a little, give you some privacy."

"Don't you want to join me?" Beckett peeked at him from under her eye lashes and gave him a sexy little smirk.

"Kate." He didn't know what else to say. He wanted nothing more than to strip his clothes off and wrap his body around her from behind. But it was wrong. This was all wrong. And she had no idea. Castle bent down laying his palm against her cheek. "I would love to join you, sweetheart, but I need to get some things done and I thought I would let you just relax.

Leaning into his touch, she hummed with pleasure. "Okay, but don't be too long. I need you to come back in here and help me wash my hair in a little while."

* * *

Castle sat in his office chair for a good twenty minutes doing nothing but stare into space. He couldn't quit thinking about the bizarre situation he found himself in. Melancholy was also pulling him under, drowning him to where he almost couldn't breath. He was sad for Kate. Sad that in a single moment she was living a lie and didn't even know it. He was sad because she had been through so much heartache in her life and no matter how good of a person she was, she just couldn't catch a break.

A sound in the distance brought him out of his thoughts. He turned his ear towards where he thought it was coming from and listened intently to see if he could hear it again. Sure enough, there it was again. Kate. She was calling for him.

The first thing that Castle noticed when he made his way into the bathroom, was that some of the bubbles had dissipated from her bath. Okay, not some, a lot. A lot of bubbles had dissipated and he could see skin. He forced his eyes to her head. "Hey. You ready for me?"

"Yeah. The water has cooled so I figure we better get this over with." Beckett sat straight up.

In that moment, Castle only had eyes for the suds making their glorious journey from her clavicles down to the valley in between her…

"Castle!"

"Yes. Yeah, I'm here. Let's do this, let's wash your hair."

Beckett giggled and shook her head at him. "You act like it's the first time you've seen me naked, babe. I'm flattered, I am, but the water is starting to get cold."

She was right. He could see goosebumps starting to erupt on her skin. Eyes up. "Right. I'm on it. But Kate, I don't know if I'll ever get used to the sight of you. You're stunning."

Blushing, she tilted her head back and gave into his ministrations. It was all Castle could do to keep it together with the noises she was making. And he was just massaging her head with shampoo.

"Cherries." He finally had his answer of where the smell that always haunted his nose came from. It was invading his senses and threatening to overwhelm him.

"You always did love that smell."

Oh. He'd said that out loud hadn't he.

"To this day I can't get myself to change my shampoo because you love it so much. You noticed it the first case we worked. You thought I was oblivious to the way you would smell me when I got close to you. You were so easy to tease."

Castle watched as Beckett smiled recalling the memories. He could only wonder if they was a real memories or ones contrived from her new conscience. He hoped it was the former.

Done with the perfectly torturous job of washing her hair, Castle helped Beckett out of the tub, keeping his eyes up and all.

He was ushering her towel clad body into the bedroom when he heard a knock at the door.

"Are we expecting company?" Beckett held her towel tightly around her chest as if the visitor could see through the walls.

"No, but it's okay. Alexis will get it. Let me grab another towel so I can get most of the water out of your hair."

The hand that was holding her towel reached out and grabbed at Castle's bicep before he could get away. "It's okay, Rick, just use this towel."

As she said the words, the towel came loose and fell to the floor. Castle's jaw wanted to follow. He swallowed hard hoping she wouldn't notice. Quickly picking up the towel he stepped around her and began towel drying her hair. He was torn between savoring this moment and working as fast as he could so that he could get this gorgeous naked woman in front of him into some clothes before he spontaneously combusted.

"Okay, that should do it. Do you want me to braid your hair for you?" Stupid, stupid idiot. That would only prolong her being naked.

"I was hoping you would. Thanks babe." She smiled at him from over her shoulder.

He was a dead man.

Finally he got her into some pajamas and had her settled back in bed.

"Alright, I'm gonna go make us some food. You should be starving. I'll be back in a few. In the meantime just relax, Kate." He leaned down and kissed her forehead. It was getting easier and harder to be around her at the same time. He was so confused. And he was so ready for her memories to come back. Even if that meant he could no longer touch her in the ways he had been.

Once again he found Alexis in the kitchen rummaging around in the fridge.

"Hey daughter. Who was at the door?"

Alexis pulled her head out from inside the fridge and stared at her dad like he had grown two heads. "It was Gina. She went into your room through the office. You didn't talk to her?"

"What?" Castle was beginning to think these deer-in-headlights situations were getting old today.

"I told Gina you were either in your office or your bedroom, so she made her way in there. Oh no! Oh, dad!"

Thinking back to when he heard the knock, it was obvious what Gina must have witnessed. And he didn't have a clue she was there. Well crap.

"It's okay, pumpkin. Not your fault." He tried his best to give her a genuine smile. He wasn't fooling her though.

"What are you going to do, dad?"

"Uh well…" he laughed. As if this day could go any different. His life was one big laughing stock now. "I'm going to make Beckett some food like I told her I would and then I should go find Gina and have a much needed and long overdue conversation. Wish me luck."

Castle took Beckett her food and then explained that he needed to make an emergency visit with Gina concerning his book. Apparently that explanation was good enough with her because she acted like it was a normal thing that would happen in their life together. Thank God something went his way today.

* * *

Gina opened the door with a force that sucked all the air away from him. She immediately stood her ground with arms folded across her chest. "Are you here to apologize for getting caught with your detective while she was naked? No, no, wait, you're going to tell me it didn't mean anything and that she needed you. Am I right, Rick?"

"Gina."

"Oh, don't Gina me, Richard Castle. You've been in love with that girl since day one." Her voice was rising by the second. "In my gut, I knew not to get back with you. I knew you would never be able to let her go. But I wanted to believe you when you said there was nothing between you two. So I did. I believed you. I trusted you. All the while you still had feelings for her. Just admit it, Rick. You love her."

During the time that she had been talking, Castle had been keeping an eye on the floor between their feet. She hadn't moved an inch so he was still left out in the hallway while listening to her rant. He finally met her eyes when she finished. "I'm sorry, Gina. You never deserved any of this. And yes, I was trying to get over her when you and I started back up. I never should have used you to forget her, but I thought it would work. I was wrong and I'm sorry. You deserve someone who can give you their whole self. That's not me, Gina."

"Just do me a favor and get over yourself, Rick. Tell her how you feel already." Gina had been resigned to the fact that they were over the minute she saw him drying the detective's hair, so she was passed the point of being mad.

Nodding his head, Castle was ready to get out of there. "Thanks for the advice and again, I'm really sorry. I hope you'll forgive me."

"I kind of have to, Rick. We work together. Now get out of here."

With those words the conversation was over and her door was shut. He couldn't be more thankful that the door had finally been shut on that part of his life as well. He hadn't realized until this second what a burden on his shoulders his relationship with Gina had been. Still, he had been a jerk about the whole situation and was ashamed of his actions. He promised to himself that if he got a real shot with Beckett he wouldn't waste it. A thought creeped in that maybe in a cruel way this was his real shot. He just had to make it count.

* * *

It was now late, so Castle let himself into the loft quietly and made his way into the bedroom where Beckett was fast asleep. He quickly undressed down to his boxers and peeled the covers back slowly. Beckett stirred at his movements. He noticed she was trying to get closer to him.

"Hey, don't move. Your hand is propped up and you'll hurt it." Castle whispered as to not wake her fully out of her sleep.

"Castle? Wanna snuggle." She was pouting.

Castle huffed but pulled her close to where he could get his arm under her neck without disturbing her broken wrist. He laid his other palm against her bicep above her cast. "I'm here now. How's that?"

"Mmm. S'good. Love you, baby."

Castle's heart lurched. He lifted his head to watch her face. She was already out to the world. Sighing, he leaned in and kissed her cheek. He was free to do so now. "I love you too, Kate."


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N_ : **_It has been 8 months since I have been able to update this story and for that I apologize. If you are still here with me, you may want to reread the first 5 chapters... I know I had to. I plan of finishing this story. Again, sorry for making you wait so long for the next update. Onward..._

* * *

A streak of warm sun fell across his eyes, bringing Castle out of his early morning stupor. Fully aware now, he reached both arms above his head, stretching his taught body from head to toe. With a smile on his face, he realized that he hadn't had such a peaceful night's sleep like last night, since before the summer.

The reason was blazingly obvious.

Kate Beckett.

She had let him hold her all through the night and even snuggled into him the best she could.

She said 'I love you' again and he had said it back.

He was so dead. When her memories came back, she was going to kill him. And at this moment, Castle just didn't care. It all felt so right that he couldn't be bothered with the thought of his imminent death by Kate Beckett.

Thinking of Kate, he recognized that she wasn't in bed next to him.

Jolting out of bed, Castle feared the worst. Had she remembered? Had she found her self in bed with the man that had caused her so much misery over the summer and bolted?

Castle grabbed the nearest pair of sweat pants and pulled them on while hopping out of the bedroom. Making his way through the office, he stopped abruptly, just short of the living room.

Beckett was standing there staring far off into space, unmoving. Her shoulders were slumped as if she was carrying the weight of the world and both of her arms hung straight down, weighing her down even more.

Approaching cautiously, Castle called out to her.

"Kate?"

Her eyes found his, but other than that, she didn't move an inch.

The scene before him was heartbreaking. Her usually bright eyes were no longer shining, but lifeless and clouded over. Sadness had swallowed her whole.

"Kate," he tried again.

Breaking out of her daze, she finally became aware.

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing out here? You should be in bed resting." Castle slowly crept closer as he spoke.

"I feel fine, Castle. I woke up thirsty and I didn't want to wake you," she said as she lowered herself down to the couch.

Castle followed after her and caused her to list into him as he sank down into the cushions.

Instinctively, she pulled her casted arm into her chest but nestled her way into Castle's open arms.

"This is so weird, Rick."

Not following her train of thought, Castle pulled back a little and questioned her. "What do you mean? What's weird?"

"I don't even know. I mean, I came out here to get some water and I'm looking around and I don't see any of our pictures. No wedding pictures. No pictures from hanging out with the boys. None of Alexis and I that you love so much. And I know I'm not supposed to be asking questions, but Castle, this is getting hard. Our loft looks different. All of our pictures are gone. My things from my previous apartment aren't here. You've been standoffish. I just want to understand." By the time she was done talking, she felt exasperated.

Castle pulled her into his neck and held on tight. He could see the tears welling up in her eyes and couldn't help but wrap himself around her as if he could shield her from this nightmare.

Beckett blew her breath out against his neck. The feel of him around her eased some of her concerns, but the absence of their most precious memories kept nagging at her. Finally after gathering her nerve, she voiced her question into his neck so she wouldn't have to see his face.

"Rick? You still love me, right?"

Castle's eyes slammed shut and his throat constricted, not allowing him to swallow down the groan that escaped. He pushed at her shoulder to get some space between them, then tipped her chin up so that she could see how serious he was.

"Kate, God yes."

Even though he was telling the truth, Castle felt a pang of guilt creep over him. But he couldn't take back the fact that he had told her he loved her under such extenuating circumstances.

He continued, "I've been in love with you since the first day we met."

Sighing in relief, the tension in her body eased and she sank back into his arms.

"I know. It's just that this is so hard not having answers and not knowing what I don't know. Please tell me what's going on, Castle," she begged.

If he could revert back to a child and throw a tantrum on the floor he would, but instead he held her tighter and answered, "Sweetheart, you know I can't do that. Doctor's orders."

"Since when do you follow the rules, Castle," her muffled reply came.

He huffed. "Since it comes to your health and recovery. I hate that you don't know things, Kate, I really do, but I would hate it even more if I was the cause of halting or hindering your recovery. Now come on, let's get you back in bed."

Castle hauled Beckett up without giving her time to protest, although, he's not sure that Beckett, as his wife, Kate, would ever protest to this kind of treatment. She seemed to be enjoying all the touching and assertiveness he was showing her. It made him smile, knowing that there was so much more to Beckett than he ever realized. Yes, he knew she had many layers and that he wanted to peel them all, but he never imagined her being so open and loving and carefree towards him.

He laid her down on the bed as gently as he could, adjusting her pillows to prop her casted left arm up. When he finished, Castle held his weight above her with both hands placed on each side of her head.

He struggled to catch his breath at the sight before him. The radiant smile, and her bright eyes were piercing into his soul and he was willing and ready to bare all to her in that moment.

"Castle! You just gonna stare all day or are you gonna kiss me?" Reaching up with her right hand, she pulled him down to her by the nape of his neck.

Her lips were perfect, soft and silky, caressing his lips with just the right pressure. It was the first kiss that he had always imagined it would be with her. There was no fight to take control from either one of them. Instead, their lips worked together in tandem, pleasuring one another with gentle tenderness.

Castle moaned into the kiss, so Kate took advantage of that moment and slid her tongue into the crevasse of his mouth. Their tongues met and molded together, moving in perfect harmony.

Kate pulled him flush against her with the casted arm and dug her nails into his shoulder blade with the other. Breathing was becoming harder by the second when she finally pulled back so that just their lips were barely brushing. "Rick." Her voice was breathy with arousal. "I need you. Now."

Castle growled and dove back in, pressing his lips hard against hers. He couldn't get enough of her taste on his own lips. His body was fully awake and somehow his hips had nestled themselves into the warm embrace of her hips and thighs. They both let out a gasp at the delicious contact.

Seeing the want and need in Kate's eyes was a glorious sight. So much so, Castle found himself moving against her just to see the reaction it brought out in her.

"Mmm, Castle, don't stop."

"Kate."

Hearing her name roll off his tongue always did it for her. Kate rolled under him and moved her arms to get a better grip on him. When she did, her cast knocked into his head.

It was like a bucket of ice water had been splashed over him. He immediately jerked away from her and sat up.

A shocked Kate questioned, "What are you doing? Did I hurt you? Come here."

He hadn't been hurt by her cast but his brain was fuzzy with lust and the feel of his dream women undulating underneath him. "Uh, no… no you didn't hurt me. I'm fine. But you're not, Kate. We have to stop." It was the only excuse he could think of to stop himself from taking things any further than they had already gone.

"Castle, I am fine. It's just my arm and it's protected by this cast. You can't hurt me. Now get back here." She was pulling at his shirt as she spoke.

Breaking away from her grasp, Castle stood up and backed himself away from the bed. The sudden movement caused Beckett to startle with confusion. Hurt washed over her the second his shirt pulled out of her fingers.

"Kate, don't look at me like that. I want you. I want you more than anything. But you said you would trust that I know what's best for you, and right now we shouldn't be doing this."

Her mouth agape, she took a second and then hissed, "I'm supposed to trust that I can't be with my husband right now?"

"Yes. We just have to hold off until we see the specialist. Just trust me, Kate, please," he begged.

Throwing herself back into the pillows, she let him know with a huff that she didn't like it at all.

Castle watched her for a few seconds before he hurried out of the room to get ahold of himself. A wanton Kate Beckett was a force to be reckoned with and he never thought he would be able to abstain from her. He realized that because he loved her, he could and would do anything for her, including holding off on having her when she so clearly wanted him, because it wasn't the right time. He just had to make it two more days until, hopefully, they got some answers.

Luck was not on his side. The next night, while they ate dinner together, along with his daughter and mother, Kate had brought up a subject that had them all choking on their food.

It started innocently enough.

Beckett was feeling good, so she was in the kitchen helping with the meal prep that only required one hand. She stirred the pasta sauce to perfection.

Alexis joined her and Castle, talking about her day and what classes she would be taking this next year of school.

The two adults took turns telling stories from their high school days, recalling how their classes went and how the times have changed.

Castle was in awe of how well Kate fit in with his family, and they seemed to be enjoying her just as much. He knew he was getting a rare glimpse into what the future could hold with Kate, if only they could get together without this diagnosis of dissociative amnesia in the way.

Rick was certain that she would eventually get her memories back. What he wasn't certain of was that he would be able to keep Kate in his life once she regained said memories. He put the thought out of his mind for the moment and led his ladies over to the dining table.

While talking and feasting, Castle brought up how time was flying and that his little girl would soon be fleeing the nest.

"Oh dad, you'll be fine. Besides, you'll be more free to bug Kate at the precinct and play with your toy helicopters."

The ladies laughed and agreed that Castle was a child at heart, but Castle knew that his daughter leaving the house for college would be the hardest thing he would have to face as a parent.

While everyone was still laughing and chatting about what craziness he would probably get himself into once Alexis was out of the house, Kate noticed the sadness that had fallen over Castle.

"Come on babe, you'll be fine. Besides, I'm sure by that time you'll be distracted by one or two more little Castle's running around the loft." She leered at him and squeezed his hand.

The other occupants of the table froze and tried to swallow down the food that had lodged in their throats.

Beckett took her time observing the two Castles and a Rodgers, then spoke up, "Oh come on you guys. It should be no surprise that Rick and I want kids, and soon I might add."

More choking, gurgley noises came from Castle. "Wha- What?"

" _What_ , what?, Kate asked him scrunching her face. "Don't pretend like we haven't talked about this. And don't act like we haven't been trying. I don't think it's a secret to anyone here." She glanced at Martha and Alexis like she knew that they knew.

Both ladies looked at one another and then giggled.

Castle could only sit and stare at the woman before him with his mouth still hanging wide open.

Alexis spoke up. "Close your mouth dad. You'll be so busy with my little brother and sister, you won't even miss me."

Martha couldn't hold it in anymore and burst into laughter. Alexis joined her and Kate along with them.

He was glad that they could find the humor in this situation. Martha and Alexis, because Kate had no idea what she was really saying, and Kate because she thought she was making fun of her husband for not being able to keep things a secret between them.

Still, it made him ache for Kate in a way that he hadn't before. The thought of them bringing children into this world together did something to his insides. It was a dream he didn't know he had until this very moment.

God, he needed Kate to get better and this nightmare to end.

The rest of the evening went without incident.

* * *

Only a sleep through the night and then they would be heading to see the specialist in the morning.

Ready for bed, Castle found Beckett already situated and the covers turned down for him. He crawled in and rolled on his side facing her.

"You ready for tomorrow?"

Beckett stared at her folded hands a moment and then met his eyes. "I'm scared, Rick. I want answers but at the same time I'm afraid to find out why you have been acting so strange and that so many things are different around here."

He could only imagine what she was feeling.

Sliding his palm up her bicep, he answered, "I know, I'm scared too."

They both smiled at each other with out it reaching their eyes.

Castle didn't know what tomorrow held but he was terrified. Terrified of losing Kate. Terrified of her hating him for pretending that they were married. Terrified that when she got her memories back, the love that he had experienced from her would be long gone.

His thoughts were becoming overwhelming and Kate sensed it.

"Hey. It'll be okay, Rick. You know who told me that?"

"I did."

"Yeah, you did and I trust you. So trust me when I say it, okay?"

"Okay."

He leaned over and gave her a lingering kiss.

"Kate, just promise me something."

Swiping his hair away from his forehead she replied, "Anything."

"Promise me that know matter what happens, you will remember that I love you."

She gave him a real smile this time and kissed his lips quickly.

"Always."


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N:**_ _I published this story 2 years ago and haven't updated it for a year. My apologies. But I did promise myself that I would finish the story. I have the next chapter written after this one and then there will be two more chapters which I will finish in the next couple of days. That being said… if you are still with this story, you may want to re-read the first 6 chapters… Again...I'm sorry about the wait._

The ride to specialist Dr. Wilson's office was a quiet one. While Castle put all of his nervous energy into concentrating on the drive, Beckett used her nervousness to destroy the thumbnail of her right hand with her incessant chewing. Neither spoke to one another, but Castle finally found the fingers that were poking out of her cast and gave a gentle squeeze. She squeezed back and didn't let go until they reached the skyscraper that housed the medical offices they were to visit.

The lobby where they waited was very high end. And also empty other than them. Castle thought this could only be because not many people were suffering from this kind of trauma and that these type of injuries to the brain were so uncommon.

They didn't have to wait long until Kate's name was being called. She stood and reached behind her to grab Castle's hand for him to follow. If she wanted him with her, he wouldn't say no.

The nurse led them to a changing room and informed Kate that she would be having a functional MRI before seeing Dr. Wilson.

"Functional MRI?" Castle spoke up. "Is that different from the MRI she had done in the hospital?"

"Yes, Mr. Castle. A functional MRI is one where, while we are scanning Miss Beckett's brain, she will be shown images on a screen specific to her life. The technician will then be able to read her brain function live as it processes the image that it is shown. It's a longer process than a regular MRI, but it will help Dr. Wilson to proceed with proper treatment."

Castle and Beckett thanked the nurse for her explanation and continued into the changing room.

Although Beckett was capable of unbuttoning her shirt with the fingers sticking out of her cast, she let Castle undress her.

He did his best to not show how undressing and dressing her affected him. And she always held onto his waist which did not help matters.

Slipping on the medical gown and then tying it in the back he left his palm on the small of her back. "There. All done."

She looked at his reflection in the mirror. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being here. For going through this with me. I don't know what I would do without you. You're my rock, Rick." She turned and let her fingers caress his cheek as she smiled up at him.

Castle leaned into her touch. "There's no where I would rather be, Kate."

The MRI exam went by faster then she thought it would. Beckett was surprised that they had actual pictures of her and some of Castle and even some of his family and some of her, Castle and the boys in the precinct to look at through the procedure. She realized then, that Castle had been busy while she was recouping after the accident.

The nurse led Beckett down a different hallway than the one they came and found herself in a very spacious office overlooking Manhattan.

Castle was already seated in one of the chairs facing the desk that she assumed to be Dr. Wilson's.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Castle questioned as he stood to greet Beckett as she sat in the chair next to him.

"Went fine. No big deal."

Her eyes wouldn't meet his, though, and Castle realized she was more nervous than she was letting on.

Dr. Wilson finally made his appearance and introduced himself to the duo.

He seemed like a very easy going man with a gentle demeanor. Castle and Beckett were eased by his presence almost immediately.

Sitting down at his desk opposite them, he began, "I've gone over your chart and previous exams, Detective Beckett, along with today's MRI. I have the results, but before we get to that I need some more information from the both of you." He clasped his hands, letting them rest on his desk.

Beckett nodded and spoke up. "Anything you need to know, we'll share."

"Good. I'll first need to speak with Mr. Castle privately."

Beckett's brow furrowed in confusion and she looked over to Castle wondering what he could tell the doctor without her knowledge.

"Be assured, Detective Beckett, I need to speak to him in private simply so that it will not skew your answers when I speak to you, kind of like corroborating stories between suspects. I'm sure you can understand that, Detective."

Now that he was speaking in terms she could relate to, some of the nervousness abated.

Castle sat still as Beckett was led to another waiting room. The plastered on smile was beginning to fade as his cheeks started to burn from maintaining the false look of pleasantness.

He was getting more nervous by the second, not knowing what conversation he was about to have with the doctor.

"Relax, Mr. Castle. I'm aware of this unique situation that you've found yourself in and I just need to know the actual facts between you and Detective Beckett. That way, when I hear her version, I'll know what's true versus what's false."

Castle relaxed a little and wiggled to get more comfortable in the chair.

This he could do, he thought. He was good at telling stories.

"Okay, Mr. Castle. Are you ready?"

"Yes sir, and please call me Rick."

"All right, Rick. Tell me about meeting Detective Beckett and your time with her from then until now."

The story began with their meeting two years prior at his book party. Castle was probably giving much more detail than he needed to, but the doctor seemed to enjoy the story as he took copious amounts of notes.

Castle recalled all of the cases they had worked together. When he got to the case of the serial killer, Scott Dunn, Castle noticed the doctor had stopped writing and was looking at him in awe.

Dr. Wilson shook his head at the incredible tale but finally went back to his note taking.

After about 30 minutes, Castle finally came to the end, about how he and Kate parted ways at the beginning of the summer and hadn't had any contact with her until the accident a few days ago.

The doctor cleared his throat. "That is quite the tale, Rick. Just to be clear, you and Detective Beckett have never been romantically involved in any way, correct?"

"That's correct, Dr. Wilson. The first year, she didn't care for having me around and the second year we did become friends, I think, but we definitely were not involved. If we had feelings for each other, which I did for sure, we kept them hidden from one another."

"All right. Well, I think we can bring her back in and have her join the conversation. Although, I will say this, Rick. When she is giving her version of events, try not to react in any way to the things you hear, as I am sure you're aware that her version will be considerably different than yours."

Nodding, he answered, "Of course."

* * *

The last half hour drug by at a snail's pace as Beckett sat in the waiting room. Her legs felt heavy but bounced up and down non stop the entire wait. Finally, Dr. Wilson poked his head around the corner to retrieve her.

"I believe I have all the information I need from Rick, so we can continue with you in the room." The doctor gestured for her to take a seat.

She did so and smiled at Castle.

She was trying to get a quick read on him, but his stoic behavior revealed nothing. She inhaled sharply and looked back to the doctor for guidance.

"Detective Beckett, I'd like you to tell me about your first meeting with Rick. When and where, that sort of thing."

This was something she could handle. "Okay, I first met Rick at one of his book parties. I had to bring him in for questioning during a murder I was investigating, because the murder was a copycat straight out of one of his books."

So far both stories had lined up in how they occurred. The doctor nodded for her to proceed.

Along with case details, Beckett explained that all throughout that first investigation, Castle had flirted relentlessly with her and that once the case was over, the attraction between the two was so overwhelming, they could no longer fight it and gave into temptation and had been together ever since.

"Okay, Detective, from that point on, talk to me about the cases you've worked together."

Her cases were all the same as Castle's bar a few details that pertained to them being in a relationship. For example, in her mind, Sorenson had never kissed her during that kidnapping case because she was in a relationship with Rick.

The only two real discrepancies, as far as cases go, were the summer they spent apart after their first year, in her mind they were never separated, and when Beckett began to detail the Scott Dunn serial killer case. Beckett had no recollection that her apartment had exploded, because in her mind, she was already married and living with Castle. No, In her mind, it had been Agent Shaw's house that had went up in smoke. She recalled that Castle had figured out Scott Dunn's plan in time to save Agent Shaw and her family, but their house had not been so lucky.

The whole time Castle sat there and listened as if her side of the story was all factual. On the inside, however, he was reeling. He couldn't believe Beckett remembered everything of their time working together except that they weren't actually in a relationship. He was amazed at what the brain was capable of. If it wasn't happening to him and the woman he loved, he would have been thrilled to write about this in one of his books.

At last, Beckett came to the point in time in the story where he had left her for the summer. Cringing internally, he was afraid of what he was going to hear.

Instead of her spending time with Demming and then being miserably alone, Beckett talked about the cases that she had worked and how Castle was an integral part of solving all of them.

 _Fascinating_ , he thought. Her brain had implanted memories of him being around like they had never skipped a beat in their relationship. Castle couldn't wait to do his own research on the matters of the brain when they got home.

"And that's it. That's what I remember," Beckett said, ending her story as if it were truth.

To her it was.

Dr. Wilson nodded and thanked her for going through everything so thoroughly and then went over his notes for several minutes without saying a word.

It was nerve wracking.

Castle began to fidget in his seat. He looked over to Beckett who was watching him, could see the worry in her eyes, could see her wondering why it was taking so long for the doctor to speak. Reaching out, he grabbed her hand and she completed the embrace by lacing their fingers together.

Finally, Dr. Wilson spoke. "Kate, have you been having any unusual dreams since the accident?"

Kate sat there a minute in thought. She recalled the one dream she did have since the wreck but it wasn't unusual in her mind, just stupid as she had told Castle.

"No. I had a silly dream but nothing unusual," she answered confidently while looking straight into the doctor's eyes.

"Uh, may I?" Castle cut in.

Dr. Wilson turned his attention to the author and nodded. "Please, Rick. Go ahead."

Castle was still gripping Beckett's hand, felt her give it a squeeze as if reassuring him that it was okay for him to speak up if something needed to be said.

What bothered her though, was the quick glance he gave her, the lines in his forehead creasing causing him to frown. She could see he wasn't at all confident in what he was about to say, so she spoke up. "Castle, it's okay. Whatever you need to say, say it. It can only help, right?"

He let out a long sigh and turned back to Dr. Wilson who was patiently waiting. "She had a dream the other night. One that accurately described our situation before the wreck took place, before the amnesia."

She understood his words and that they made a proper sentence but what she couldn't figure out was what he was really saying.

Her dream described their situation before the wreck? What did he mean?

She recalled her dream, about how they weren't even married and that even though they loved each other, they also hated one another and weren't even together.

What was Castle saying?

"Castle, it was just a stupid dream. I told you that." She met his eyes, immediately finding sorrow in the deep blue depths.

Castle plowed on, turning back once again to the doctor, explaining to him exactly what Kate's dream had been about.

Beckett watched as understanding flooded Dr. Wilson's features. She wasn't aware of what any of it meant but she could see that it had deeper meaning than what she first believed.

"Detective Beckett, this will be difficult for you to hear, but I'm just going to explain plainly what has happened to your brain because of the wreck."

Beckett nodded, hoping that neither Castle nor her doctor could see the fear that was coursing through her veins and wreaking havoc on her insides.

The doctor went on, "You've suffered from what is known as dissociative amnesia. It's a condition where your brain tries to protect you from trauma." He paused, gave her time to let the diagnosis sink in.

"During the wreck, your brain tried to protect you. But instead of protecting you, your brain has in a sense hid your real memories and replaced them with new, false memories."

False memories?

That can't be true. All her memories were hers and hers alone.

"Your memories and ideas of having a relationship with Mr. Castle aren't real. The dream that you had was… is your actual memory. I hate to tell you this Detective Beckett, but you and Mr. Castle have never been married and were never in a relationship to begin with, except that he did follow you around for his book research. That's all," he finally finishes.

What?

No. No, no, no. "I'm not…" she turned and looked to Castle, her rock, her steadfast partner, "We're not… We're not married?" His eyes were shut and his lips were sealed shut. It scared her to death. She huffed out a breath, keeping her eyes on the man she loved. "This is a joke, right? Castle?"

"Kate," was all he could manage.

"Oh God," she breathed, letting go of his hand to stand and pace the room. "There's no way this is real," she hissed as she turned back to the doctor, scolded him for this ridiculous tale that he weaved.

"Think about it, Kate." She heard Castle say. She spun back around to him, knew he saw the questioning hurt in her eyes. He continued, "Think about the loft. You said it yourself, how there aren't any of our wedding pictures, none of your stuff from your apartment, everything you remember isn't there. I'm so sorry, Kate." He finished in defeat.

It made sense. The evidence he'd laid out was glaring her in the face. It was true. They weren't married.

She thought back to her dream while both men watched and waited for the truth to settle over her. It was a terrible dream she remembered. Waking up feeling heartbroken, remembering what it felt like to love him but not be able to have him. She was so thankful it was only a dream.

Another chuckle escaped her lips as her hands made their way into her hair, gripping the strands, knuckles turned white.

"This… This can't be happening."

Dr. Wilson spoke up as she was still standing, far off in her own thoughts. "I suggest we try hypnosis. It's a common practice to try and regain memories lost with amnesia."

Panic overtook the fear that had taken up residence in her body. Hypnosis? Getting her real memories back? She didn't want her real memories back if that meant not being with Castle, not being married to love of her life. No. She couldn't do this.

In a split second, she was gone. Turning the doorknob, she broke free of Dr. Wilson's office, made her escape from what was the most terrible living nightmare she'd ever had.


	8. Chapter 8

"Kate!"

She'd just rounded the corner of the block when she heard her name being called. And she wanted to be further along but the panic welling up in her was keeping her from breathing properly, so she was reduced to leaning against the brick wall in a dingy alley to get an adequate breath.

"Kate," Castle breathed as he caught up to her.

Bent over and not looking up at him, she felt his hand come to rest on her shoulder. She immediately shoved his hand off, standing to face him, nose to nose. "Don't you dare touch me." She hissed.

Castle cowered, stepped back and raised both hands in surrender, deflating at her words, but she didn't care. "I can't believe you did this, can't believe you would let me believe these lies."

"Beckett," he tried to interrupt.

"You violated my trust, Castle. You knew we weren't married, yet you let me believe that you loved me. You pretended all of this for what, Castle? A cheap thrill? More research for your books? My God, I stood naked in front of you, almost had sex with you!" The words rushed out before her breath was gone. The things that she had believed to be true, but actually weren't, were overwhelming her brain.

"Listen to me, please." He begged.

"Just shut the hell up and call my dad would you?" She spoke with a raised voice. Her eyes never finding his.

He did as she asked. Her dad agreed to meet them there as soon as he could.

Castle didn't dare speak to Beckett after he called her dad, could see that she had shut down.

He knew that this was a possibility, knew there was a chance it would all blow up in his face when she found out the truth, but he didn't care at the time. A chance to love Kate Beckett and he was supposed to say no to that? Hell no. He knew it might be the only time he ever got to love her, so he took the chance knowing the risks.

He didn't regret it, but seeing how disappointed she was in him for the choice he made, yeah, he hated himself, too.

Standing there in the alley, Beckett avoided him like the plague, neither speaking to each other since his phone call to Jim. He understood why she didn't want to talk, but he wasn't going to leave her alone while they waited. He couldn't.

Her father finally showed up and she threw herself into his arms, not able to hold back the tears.

Jim wrapped her up pulling her into his side while they waited at the curb for a cab to arrive. He found Castle's eyes, a silent apology in his own. It was clear to him that the truth had come out at the doctor's office and that his daughter was not happy with the results.

When a cab finally pulled over, Castle spoke up at last just before Beckett lowered herself into the backseat. "I may have pretended to be your husband, Beckett, and we may never have dated before, but nothing else was a lie. My feelings, they were true… are true."

She frowned as he spoke,looking at him with something that resembled disgust. As soon as he finished speaking she lowered herself into the cab without anymore acknowledgement.

Jim was still standing at the open cab door. He turned to Rick and gave him a quick shake of the hand. "You did what you had to, Son." He said, and then got in the back with his daughter, letting the cab pull away.

Beckett didn't speak at all in the car ride. Her anger was also directed at her dad, knowing he knew the truth all along and let her go with Castle after leaving the hospital. It left a sour taste in her mouth, but she still needed her dad.

The cab came to a stop in front of a large apartment building in Tribeca. "Dad? Why are we stopping here?" She questioned.

"This is where you live, Katie. Come on."

As angry as she was with him, she did trust him, so she followed him into the elevator and let him lead her to a door she didn't recognize.

He keyed open the door and let her go in first.

"I live here?" She turned in a circle taking it all in. The decorations tasteful and eclectic, very much her own style, but nothing recognizable.

"You moved in here after your other apartment blew up several months ago." Jim said as if old news.

Kate whipped around in shock. "What?"

"That serial killer case you worked with the FBI agent. You remember that don't you?"

"Yeah, but…" Her mind was racing, remembering back to when Agents Shaw's apartment was blown up, not hers. "It was my apartment?" She finally asked her dad.

He nodded in answer and walked over to give her a hug. He could see that she was struggling with what was real and what wasn't.

"You'll get through this, Katie bug."

She huffed and buried her face deeper into his neck. "I love him dad," she rasped out. "He's my husband. How am I just supposed to let him go?"

"I don't know, sweetheart. I don't know. I'm sort of still trying to figure that out with Jo."

A sob escaped her lips. "Oh, God, dad, I'm so sorry. I didn't even think…"

"It's okay." Jim said, cutting off her thought. "This is just as bad for you, sweetheart. I've had years to mourn your mom. This is new for you. You have every right to be heartbroken."

His arms tightened around her shoulders. She could almost feel the strength she knew he was trying to impart to her.

Minutes passed when Jim's ringing phone pulled them apart. "Katie, It's Rick. Do you want to answer it?"

"No. No, I can't talk to him right now, dad."

Letting her walk away, he answered the call.

Beckett tried not to listen while her dad spoke to Castle on the phone, but it was no use. She knew he was calling to check on her, to make sure she made it home safe. Guilt ripped through her at his concern. She had yelled at him in the alley and now he was making sure she was safe. It was going to be impossible to turn off her feelings towards him. She wanted nothing more than to go and grab the phone from her dad and tell Castle to come get her, to take her home, that she didn't want to be away from him.

But then she remembered that he was putting on an act, that it was all a lie. Except she couldn't get out of her head what he had said right before she climbed into the cab.

" _I may have pretended to be your husband, Beckett, and we may have never dated before, but nothing else was a lie. My feelings, they were true… are true."_

And his words from the night before came to mind, right before they fell asleep together.

" _Promise me that know matter what happens, you will remember that I love you."_

Beckett let out a growl. Her frustration unable keep itself locked away any longer. The hurt she was feeling rivaled that of her mother's death. And the more she thought about it, the more she realized that was exactly what was happening. She was experiencing death all over again, mourning the loss of her husband.

Her dad finally left the apartment after her many reassurances that she'd be okay on her own. But not before he explained that both he and Castle had only done as the doctor asked. That they allow her to be in an environment that was familiar to what her mind had made up, so that's why her dad let her go home with Castle.

She acknowledged his explanation, for his part in the whole charade, but she made it clear that she didn't like it.

Several hours had passed, time and silence only driving her mad, so she'd called Lanie who was now seated on the couch next to Beckett.

Lanie listened as Beckett explained the diagnosis and how the last few days had gone at Castle's loft. "The worst thing, Lanie, is that it still feels so natural. I should be there with him. Not here in this place that I don't even recognize."

"Girl, I knew something was off when you asked for him right away when you hadn't seen him in three months. So, all you remember is that you've been married to him all this time?"

Beckett nodded, looking down at her folded hands.

"Wow. That's…" Lanie had no words.

"I had this dream the other night and both Castle and the doctor told me it was an actual memory. Can you tell me about it, about us?"

So Kate explained the dream to Lanie who sat, giving her full attention to Kate.

"That sounds about right, girl. I've told you from day one that you needed to get with him and have some fun, but you wouldn't have it. Everyone could see the attraction between both of you, though. It was so damn obvious." Lanie chuckled.

"What happened between us, Lane?"

Lanie took a deep breath, preparing to share an extensive tale. She dove in and explained that after two years of Beckett pushing him away and he beating around the bush, Castle had finally found his courage and asked her to join him in the Hamptons for a weekend, but that she declined because she had been dating a robbery detective at the time.

Kate listened and learned that at the last minute she had broken up with Detective Tom Demming to accept Castle's invitation only to find that he had invited his ex-wife instead and that she was too late.

Tears rolled down Kate's cheeks as she learned of how miserable she'd been the last three months.

It was almost too incredible to believe. In her mind she only knew that she succumbed to Castle's charm the very first case they worked together and that their romance had been that of a fairytale. She only knew him as her best friend, her lover.

She found it unbelievable that for two years she had pushed him away and denied herself the chance to be with him in reality.

Kate sank even further into her couch, elbow propped on the back holding her head up. "This feels just as bad as when I lost my mom, Lanie." Kate croaked. "Maybe worse. Being completely in love with him in my mind and not being able to have him. It's torture and it's only been hours since I found out the truth."

Lanie listened, but remained quiet a few moments before speaking up. "But, Kate, why can't you have him? He's not dead. He's still here. Just because you're not actually married doesn't mean you can't be with him, right?"

Beckett scoffed. "You just told me how much we hurt each other and couldn't get our shit together. And more importantly he was just pretending with me, Lane. How could I be with him after that?"

Lanie reached out, squeezing the free hand in Beckett's lap. "Even if you don't remember, I think you know he didn't do it to hurt you. He did it because he thought it was best for you at the time. I think somewhere deep down you still know that he'd do anything for you and he was only trying to help… even after all this time apart. I think you know he'd never hurt you on purpose, Kate."

Looking out her window, Beckett couldn't help but once again recall his plea at the cab after running out of the doctor's office. His plea that said even if the marriage was fake, his feelings were true. The thought caused her heart to pound hard in her chest.

Was he telling the truth? How could she know since he lied about everything else?

It felt true in her heart but she wasn't sure she could trust the thing since she also believed he was her her husband, which proved to be false.

Sitting there with Lanie, hearing the truth but not _knowing_ it, she knew what she had to do.

"Lanie, I think I need to try the hypnosis Dr. Wilson suggested. I need to get my real memories back so that I can get over him. Will you go with me?"

Lanie hid her surprise at Kate's suggestion. She was not expecting her friend to try and forget him so soon. Hesitating for a moment, she finally answered, "I'll do anything you need, Kate."

* * *

 **A/N:** _Thank you so much for all the follows and faves from the previous chapter and to all those who reviewed. They are much appreciated. And to those who are still with this story after all this time...THANK YOU!_


	9. Chapter 9

"Detective Beckett, I'm sorry we're meeting again under these circumstances, but I think you're making the right decision with hypnosis." Dr. Wilson said as he led her into his office again.

"Please, doctor, call me Kate. And this is my friend, Lanie. She's here for support. I hope that's okay?" Kate asked as both women sat on the sofa on the other end of his office.

Dr. Wilson took a seat in a overstuffed leather chair across from them. "That's perfectly fine, Kate. I'm glad you have someone here for you."

They all made themselves comfortable, Kate waiting for the doctor's instructions.

"Before we begin, I want to make sure that you're aware that hypnosis is not a sure thing. It may work and it may not, but sometimes it does aid in accelerating the process of regaining memories that have been lost."

Kate nodded in understanding. "I did some research last night when I made my decision to come back. I'm aware of all the risks and uncertainty. But I'll try anything to forget these false memories and regain my actual memories."

Dr. Wilson frowned. "Kate, you're aware that even if you regain your true memories you won't actually forget the false ones, right? They'll still be there."

"What?" Kate looked from the doctor over to Lanie and back again, panic settling over her.

"Once you regain your memories back, you'll have both sets. The false memories won't go away, but you'll be able to distinguish what's real and what's not."

"No." She breathed.

"Kate, honey," Lanie soothed. "It'll be okay. Try to get your memories back and then you can go from there.

"But I'll still feel like I love him?" She looked from Lanie to the doctor again waiting for an answer. She could see that Lanie wanted to say something but her friend remained quiet.

"Kate, no one is forcing this on you. We don't have to proceed, but I think it'd be best to try. If you obtain your memories then you'll be able to decide how you really feel."

She sat for a moment, deep in thought. "Okay, yeah. I should at least try. I'm sorry, I just wasn't expecting that."

"It's not a problem." Dr. Wilson answered.

The next two hours went by without incident. Lanie sat by her side the whole time, holding her hand in comfort when Kate was feeling uncomfortable.

Hypnosis wasn't at all like she was expecting. She wasn't put into a trance and she was aware of her surroundings the whole time she was relaxed. Dr. Wilson spoke soft and quiet, asking her to concentrate on certain things while trying not to let her mind wonder.

Kate, for her part didn't have any flashbacks or vivid visions during the session, but she did have a sense of something being just out of grasp and at the forefront of her mind.

The doctor was pleased with the progress even though she didn't specifically remember anything. He explained that it could have jogged something in her mind and that at any moment from then on, she might have a memory slip into her consciousness.

Kate thanked the doctor for his help and then made her way out with her friend by her side.

The whole ride home, Kate could tell something was bothering Lanie, but she didn't ask.

Finally when they made it back to her apartment, Kate couldn't stand it any longer. "Lanie, what is it? I know you've got something on your mind."

"Damn, girl, your memory may be gone but you're still a fine detective. Go sit down and we'll talk." Lanie commanded.

Kate did as she said and waited.

"You asked me last night what happened between you and Castle and I told you the truth." Lanie said as her fingers twisted themselves together in her lap.

"And I believed you, so what's wrong?"

"Well, I didn't tell you everything." She paused. "You had just left the morgue when you had your wreck."

"Okay, Lanie. What's the big deal? I'm always at the morgue with you."

"You weren't there for a case." Lanie quickly explained. "You had come down there because you needed to talk."

"Talk about what?" Kate was starting to get impatient.

"Castle." Lanie said. "You came to talk about Castle and how miserable you were that he was gone."

"Lanie, you told me how miserable I was last night. I know this."

"I know, but what you don't know is that you admitted to me that you were, in fact, in love with him and the reason why you were so miserable is because you just wanted to be with him but that you felt like you had missed your chance."

Once again, Kate found herself staring out the window while listening to Lanie.

"Kate, the feelings that you have for him now, they're your real feelings. You were in love with him before you lost your memories," Lanie finished softly.

After a minute, Kate spoke. "I really told you that?"

Lanie smiled. "Yeah, you did. And I know you meant it. It was obvious, Kate."

"So now what the hell am I supposed to do?" Kate stood, more confused than ever.

"Now you call Castle, you ask him to come over here and you have a conversation with him. Talk to him, Kate. Tell him the truth of what you feel. He deserves that at least."

Lanie ended up leaving not long after that and Kate had thought over her suggestion. She honestly could not imagine staying away from Castle, so she had ended up calling him and inviting him over.

He was hesitant on the phone and she was aware that he was trying to contain his excitement as not to scare her away.

Thirty minutes later there was a knock on her door. She opened it up almost right away to see her husb...Castle staring back at her. He looked scared but also hopeful. The sight of him calmed her nerves and put her at ease but she just hoped she wouldn't ruin anything else between them in the next few moments.

"Hey, Castle."

"Hey."

"Uh, come in. Would you like something to drink?" She asked.

"No, thank you."

"Okay, well… can we… can we sit and talk?" God, she was terrified.

"Of course, of course." He spoke and made his way over to her couch where she had been spending too much time lately, being blindsided by the truth.

What more could the truth hurt, right?

"I've, uh… I've been with Lanie last night and today." Kate began. "She told me a lot of stuff that went on between you and I, the actual version not the married version I have in my head."

Castle chuckled a little and then asked, "Okay. So she told you what happened between us?"

"Yeah, Castle. She told me about how our partnership has gone the last two years and how we are with each other."

"Right." Castle sighed, dropping his head,looking away from her. Kate saw a flicker of disappointment pass over his features, but she didn't want to think too much about what that meant.

"Castle, why'd you come back? If we haven't spoken to each other in the last three months, why'd you rush back to pretend to be my husband?"

His head snapped up. "Well, I had no clue that I'd be pretending to be your husband, that just kind of happened when I got to the hospital, but…"

"Castle."

"Sorry. But, Kate, I… I think you know why I came back."

"Do I? You went off with your ex wife for the summer, with no contact between us." Kate blurted out, frustrated.

"I wasn't with Gina the whole summer… only a handful of days." Castle answered back just as frustrated. "And it was a mistake, Kate. I was drowning in your rejection and my bruised ego, so I fell back to what I knew. But she wasn't what I wanted. She wasn't you, Kate." He said, voice raised, jaw clenched, trying to get his point across to the woman who sat across from him.

"And then I got that phone call from Lanie a few days ago and I realized that no matter how far I tried to run, I hadn't gotten over you, I don't want to get over you, Kate. You needed me and I came running. And yeah, I was selfish." He said as he pushed himself off of the couch. "All the sudden I'm your husband and it was a dream come true for me, so I went with it. I played along because my fantasies with you were coming true right in front of my eyes… so yeah, I was thinking more of myself because I know being with you, Kate Beckett, is a once in a lifetime opportunity, so I took it."

Kate sat, picking at her cast with her right hand thinking over what she had just heard. Her gaze averted from his as he sat back down next to her. "But if you had such strong feelings for me, why would you go away with your ex wife?" She finally asked.

"Why'd you turn me down for Demming?" He fired back.

"I… I don't know, Castle. I don't remember." The words rushed out with growl.

He cooled instantly at that. "Right. Sorry."

"So, you and Gina… are you still with her?" She asked timidly. She wasn't sure if she really wanted to know.

"Uh, no."

"What?" She asked when he wouldn't elaborate. She could tell he wanted to shy away from the topic but she didn't want anymore obstacles in their way, not when she already had so many hindering her.

"Remember when I washed your hair a few days ago and there was a knock at the front door?" Beckett nodded. "Well, apparently it was Gina and she saw all she needed to." Her cheeks flushed instantly, remembering what had taken place in Castle's bedroom. "That meeting I told you I had was actually me breaking things off with her."

The revelation caught her off guard. "So you were with her when you were pretending to be with me?"

"Look, it all happened so fast. I got the phone call from Lanie and things just snowballed from there. I left the Hamptons as soon as I could. I only saw Gine five or six days over the whole summer and I wasn't really with her. I know that doesn't really help, but it's the truth."

"You were alone all summer?" She wanted to believe him, but the version Lanie told her had her thinking that he was happy to be away with Gina all summer long.

"Yes."

"Lanie told me I broke up with Tom to accept your invitation to the Hamptons." She spit out before her brain could stop her.

"What?"

Too late to deny it now, she thought. "Yeah, I guess in the middle of telling you at the precinct, Gina showed up and the rest is history."

Castle buried his face in his hands. "I knew you were trying to tell me something important. God, I'm an idiot."

"Well, I don't remember it, so it's fine." She said trying to interject some lightness into the conversation.

"No it's not, it's really not."

"Listen, Castle, I didn't call you over here to rehash a past I can't remember," she said getting serious again. "I wanted to talk to you about now, about where we go from here, and I wanted you to know I had a hypnosis session with Dr. Wilson today."

"You did?"

"Yeah. And to be honest, I went so that I could forget all about you, the marriage and our relationship that my mind believes we have. I wanted to forget, Castle." She could see the hurt in his eyes but she plowed on. "But the doctor explained that even if I regain my memories I'll still have the ones my mind made up with the accident. I was upset about that, but then Lanie told me something else when we got home. She told me that I confided in her right before the wreck, told me that I admitted to her that I was in love with you, that I wanted you, but I let you get away at the beginning of the summer."

"Kate." Castle choked out.

She didn't stop, couldn't stop if she wanted to. "I wanted to forget all about loving you and what it's like to be with you, but it's not possible, Castle. To me you're still my husband and even if I don't really remember, apparently I'm in love with you even without these false memories."

"Oh, God, Kate, I love you so much." Castle said, reaching for her.

She braced her unbroken hand in front of her to stop him from getting any closer. "But, Castle, it's not that simple. As much as I want to be with you, and I do, I really do, I think it's best that I get my real memories back first."

"What are you saying?"

"I just need some time, Rick. Because even though I didn't remember anything today during the session, what if I get my memories back and I realize I'm not actually ready to be with you. I just think we should wait."

He looked confused now more than ever. "So, I can't be around you?"

She didn't like that idea at all, so she thought for a second before coming up with an answer. "Maybe… maybe you can come back to the precinct if you wanted. We could continue to work cases together while I try to remember who I really am."

Castle didn't hesitate. "Yeah, I could do that. In fact I'd really love that." He smiled at her, but tentatively spoke again. "So, we're still partners at least?"

"Yeah, Castle, still partners."

She liked the sound of that.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** I just want to say thanks again to all of those who have stuck with this story and are still here. And thank you to all the new readers, followers, favorites and __reviews. I appreciate each and everyone of them... well except maybe the one calling Beckett a B*tch, but whatevs... can't win'em all._


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